VISITE

¡ La reine de Saba !
La reine du samedi soir.
Ma reine, cette fin de semaine.

RECTIFIED CALIGRAMMES , (Exercise chez Monica 12.10.2011)

1.

Your schedule palpitates
but you heart

always

beats

regularly

-------------

2.

What´s the point for a tightrope walker to have an umbrella

when he´s falling so quickly



as the rain



-----------

3.

-"In a coach sits an engineer. He´s designing a long train full of empty minded people"
- Where did you get this ?
- Well, I found it on my i pod while coming home in the subway...


4.

Breast hurts because it is not yet
or it has been.

PROJET DE GRAFFITTI DANS UN BATIMENT ABANDONÉ

La spéculation est le miroir de ton calcul

¡ Oh belle ,

qui traverse la ville

Talking Sheep

Leia carried her enormous rucksack off the bus, a bit disappointed there was no handsome country side guy willing to help her. Her map said Mr. Pritzgenschtall’s farm was only 200 metres away. It would have been a small effort for Mr. Pritzgenschtall to pick her up from the bus station. Not very gentlemen, these farmer men.

Hans Pritzgenschtall took a last look at the living room: a vase of freshly-picked flowers on the table, the calendar on the right month, everything seemed in order. Would this Leia girl know that he was a single farmer? (He figured he would introduce himself as single, not divorced. But then he realised he still had some pictures of his ex-wife in the hall and decided it would probably better to be honest anyway.)

Hans was in love as soon as he opened the door. Immediately he fell some hundred kilos heavier, thinking of how he would try to hide this childish love for an entire month from this beautiful female specimen. Would she dance salsa? It was the new thing he had dared to learn and apparently this was hot "in town".

So, tell me about your, er, PrD., Hans asked.

- PhD? Leia smiled.

- Uh yes, tell me what it is about! If you think I can understand it, of course. Haha.

- Oh it’s very simple. I am finding out how sheep talk to each other.

- Well, that’s something I know about! You’ve come to the right place! I can tell you they say a lot of bèèèèèèèh and BAAAAH! 

(Hans did not know why he had to scream out that last sound at such a loud tone. It made him feel embarrassed about himself.)

- Yeah, they do say that, but actually by doing so they tell each other a lot more than we think! When they say bèèèh, they for example mean: You’re pooping in my area. Whereas béééh means: You’re hot.

Hans looked at Leia with big eyes, even though his eyes were small. How could this girl presume all this, while most likely it’s the first time in her life she is staying at a farm? He should know about this much better than her! But then, this girl had this very high degree, so he did not feel he could get into a debate about this.

So instead he asked carefully: how did you get all this wisdom?

- I will show you, Leia said. If you show me your sheep, I will do some translation for you.

As they headed off to the field, Hans started to feel a little anxious. What if his sheep would talk negatively about him? They have been able to do this their entire lives without ever getting caught for it. And beside Bertha and Hans and Stine and his parents several years ago they had not seen many people. What would their impression of him be? Hopefully it would not be too embarrassing; he would certainly not want Leia to know.

So they sat down on a rock, near the sheep, and the sheep remained silent. They probably could tell Leia understood Sheep and remind silent on purpose, Hans figured. But how would they be able to tell?  

Then one sheep made a bèh! sound. It was very short.   

Leia said it meant: who is that creature? 

It’s what sheep always say when they encounter something new that they do not like, she explained. 

It took a long time before a bigger sheep answered bèèèèèèèèèèh, which was supposed to mean: oh you wussy, why should you care. Go eat grass in that corner.

Hans asked Leia: aren’t you insulted? They are not very friendly about you. Before Leia could answer, suddenly al the sheep started yelling multiple kinds of BEEEHHHHHHs with different intonations and in varying volumes, and Leia looked both fascinated and worried at the same time. 

Yes, well.. She fell silent, which did not seem to be something that happened to her very often. It is quite shocking indeed, she murmured. 

Leia really looked a little pale.

Maybe we can go back to the house for a while, is that OK for you?

- Sure, Hans said.

- I’m really sorry, Leia said. I’ve never heard sheep going crazy like that before. It was really, well, I guess I shouldn’t tell you.

If Hans were honest with himself, he felt quite relieved. He did not dare to ask what exactly had shocked Leia, because it would be indiscreet, and because deep down he did not want to know himself. This evening, and he smiled by the thought of it, he would teach Leia how to dance salsa in his living room. 

Tax Return

  I have never liked filling the forms for the tax return. I remember the first time, when it was new and exciting, so many years ago. I also remember that feeling being substituted by an incredible boredom and the notion that I would never manage to do it by myself.
  That is the exact feeling that I'm having right now.
  I look at the stack of papers that I have in front of me and the delicious idea of suicide briefly crosses my mind.
  "Would you like some Doritos and a glass of wine, dear?", my wife knows me better than myself. In any other occasion I would have said yes without even letting her finish the sentence.
  "Yes. No. Whatever. Later. I love you.", I say instead, and immediatly feel like an idiot.
  "O.K. Love you too.", she is the best woman in the world.
  I look out of the window, where the sun is shining, kids are playing and couples are holding hands and saying nonsenses to each other. Except this is Belgium and the sky is concrete grey. And except for the fact that from my window I only see a big, dirty, ugly building.
  The mind is an awesome thing.
  There is a box where I have to write my income from last year. I consider throwing some random numbers at it, but instead I shout over my shoulder.
  "This is torture! Do you know where my pay sheets are?!"
  "Under the blue folder to your right!", the voice of Layla is like music to my ears, so I have to repeat the question.
  "Where?!"
  "Blue folder! To your right!"
  "Thanks, love!"
  There is a blue folder to my right, and the papers are underneath it.
  I have to add all the numbers together, though, and my basic math skills have abandoned me. Memories of exams pass through my mind. I can feel the fear in my lips again.
  Thank god for calculators, the inventor should have been made World Hero or something.
  I write the numbers and the box accepts its defeat.
  The kitchen is paradise right now. I take a mouthful of Doritos and wash them down with some wine. I kiss my wife and I suggest watching a movie. To her, I am transparent. She knows what I have in mind. She takes me by the hand and leads me to the bedroom.

Happy vegetables

When he arrived to the supermarket, Uncle George went directly to the cold department, for he knew himself as a very efficient and straightforward person and valued himself for owning these noble characteristics. It was a Friday evening, and Uncle George was in charge of buying something that would serve at the main course of the dinner party. In the cold department all the meat and frozen food were stored. But for his bitter surprise, it was very cold in the cold department. He hadn’t felt this cold in years. He felt so cold that it activated the fight or flight response in his brain. Fight or flight or freeze. From these options, flight was clearly the right response. So he opened the freezer that was next to him, took out the first thing that his hand could grab and left the cold department.
It was only at the cashier where he noticed what he actually bought. He noticed it at exactly the same moment when the lady in white with tattooed eyebrows asked him:
‘Would you like anything else, Sir?’
It was a straightforward question. Firm but just. If he wanted something else, this was the moment to say so.
Uncle George looked in the basket in front of him. What he saw was an Iglo bag of carrots and peas laying in it. The carrots and the peas were mixed. The mixture was called ’Happy Vegetables.’
Uncle George looked back at the lady and her tattooed eyebrows.
‘No,’ he said resolutely.
There was an explanation on the bag that clarified why the product was called Happy Vegetables. Uncle George noticed this when he was already sitting in his car, observing his pray, trying to figure out what could be done out of it for dinner. The mixture was called happy vegetables, because Beta Carotin helped the brain produce opiate and opiate made people feel happy. On the bag, Uncle Iglo explained that if children ate happy vegetables every day, a kind penguin would take them to Happy Vegetable Country. So, all in all, it was clearly a good buy.
However, Uncle George was not sure if Uncle Iglo’s reasoning would convince his wife too that he made the right choice. But going back to the supermarket was not an option. The lady at the cashier already asked him if he wanted something else and he said no. Going back would have been admitting publicly that he was a weak character. Someone, who didn’t know what he wanted.
So Uncle George started the engine, and drove home listening to evergreens in the radio, with the bag of Happy Vegetables on the passenger seat.
Aunt Alexandra was already waiting for him in the kitchen. She had just finished preparing the potato salad. Uncle George stood behind her, covered her eyes with his right palm, and put the bag of Happy Vegetables on the table in front of her. Aunt Alexandra got slightly aroused by this sudden blindfolding, and pushed her buttocks close to her husband crotch. Uncle George stepped one step backwards automatically, which made it clear that he had no erotic intentions. This movement left both of them standing in an unnatural posture. It also left Aunt Alexandra somewhat irritated.
’I got something very special for tonight,’ Uncle George said.
’What is it?’ Aunt Alexandra asked. She forced herself to smile despite her irritation. She smiled because she knew that it was smiling that good natured people did when they were offered a gift, even when they were slightly irritated. Aunt Alexandra thought of herself as a very good natured person.
’Something special for tonight’s dinner.’ Uncle George lowered his hand.
Aunt Alexandra looked at the vegetables and didn’t say anything. She didn’t say anything because her mind was blank. This often happened to her when she was about to say something particularly offensive. It was a defence mechanism of her brain that kept her marriage alive in the last ten years. It was a common defence mechanism among the brains of people who thought of themselves as good natured persons. Over the time it made these people embittered, but Aunt Alexandra had another defence mechanism to cover her embitterment. Aunt Alexandra’s brain was a perfect matrix of hundreds of defence mechanisms.
’They are happy vegetables’. Uncle George whispered.
Aunt Alexandra nodded.
’We can make a ratatouille out of them.’ Uncle George said.
‘A ratatouille.’ Aunt Alexandra repeated. Repetition was another defence mechanism that helped her win time when her reptilian brain was urging her to bite the person nearby.
’A happy ratatouille.’ Uncle George said.
’A happy ratatouille.’ Aunt Alexandra repeated.

NA ZDROWIE !

NA ZDROWIE !

Love each other
as you love your liver.

So I did ,
and drank the vodka
in a single shot.
Cul sec.