Create this character. Mr Tonto Tonto - 87 years old – pensioned pipe maker – He has the sharpest memory in the world, and he remembers the future.
That pipe was no usual pipe. No, indeed, child, no pipe was ever made that resembled this one. First of all, you have to know that it was pink. I made the chamber with pink ceramic, I stemmed it with pink marble and I surrounded with pink glass – yes, glass! Why not? Indeed this pipe was meant to be fragile, like happiness is. Because happiness is fragile, child, it is fragile… And this pipe was about to make his user the happiest man in the world. It was a happy pipe. That is why it was pink and surrounded with glass. I signed it with my name, T.T., because that is my name, I am Tonto Tonto.
But about this pipe. It was not so dissimilar to the one I made for your father when he got married. Except your father didn’t like pink; your mother did, but she didn’t like pipes. So I made it black, but black isn’t a good colour for happiness, that is why your father was to be less happy than the owner of the pink pipe. I still signed it T.T., because it is my name, I am Tonto Tonto, and it was still a happy pipe. And you haven’t seen your father very unhappy, have you, child? So imagine how happy the owner of the pink pipe will be.
You can only imagine, because I don’t know who will own the pink pipe yet. What do you mean? No, I haven’t sold it yet. In fact, I haven’t made it yet. Is that a problem with you, child? I will tell you what a problem with me is. You young people never want to hear about the past. All you can think about is the present. But the past, you don’t care about. Let me tell you child, that if you had cared about the past, you would have known what my pipes have done, how great a happiness they have created. They were all meant to create happiness, but people always want them made in black so it doesn’t always work.
Let me tell you this. Out of the 2431 pipes I have created, only 567 have made people unhappy. Only one of them made its owner really, really unhappy. But it doesn’t matter anymore because he is dead. He died of a heart attack right there, outside the shop, because that is where he died. Someone mugged him for the pipe. It wasn’t a happy pipe. The owner wanted it made out of two pieces of wood, one black and one almost black. He insisted, so I made it out of two pieces of wood but I told him it was not to be a happy pipe. I also knew that the pipe would break when the owner would be mugged, but I didn’t tell him that, because otherwise he wouldn’t have bought it, and that pipe would have been mine, and I didn’t want to be unhappy. Don’t look at me like that, the pipe really did make his owners unhappy. Take the mugger, for example. He tried to glue the pipe back together when he realised it was broken. Instead he glued his hand to the pipe, and he had to go to the hospital… And the hospital called the police. So that made him really unhappy. I knew it would make him unhappy. That is why I didn’t sign the pipe with my name. I signed it N.H. instead, that is for Not Happy, because the pipe was not happy.
Now, child, if you want, I might tell you more about my pipes. I have a sharp memory for pipes, the sharpest memory in the world of pipe makers. Other pipe makers do not remember all the pipes they have created, but I do, those that I sign and that I don’t sign, with my name T.T., because that is my name, I am Tonto Tonto.
That pipe was no usual pipe. No, indeed, child, no pipe was ever made that resembled this one. First of all, you have to know that it was pink. I made the chamber with pink ceramic, I stemmed it with pink marble and I surrounded with pink glass – yes, glass! Why not? Indeed this pipe was meant to be fragile, like happiness is. Because happiness is fragile, child, it is fragile… And this pipe was about to make his user the happiest man in the world. It was a happy pipe. That is why it was pink and surrounded with glass. I signed it with my name, T.T., because that is my name, I am Tonto Tonto.
But about this pipe. It was not so dissimilar to the one I made for your father when he got married. Except your father didn’t like pink; your mother did, but she didn’t like pipes. So I made it black, but black isn’t a good colour for happiness, that is why your father was to be less happy than the owner of the pink pipe. I still signed it T.T., because it is my name, I am Tonto Tonto, and it was still a happy pipe. And you haven’t seen your father very unhappy, have you, child? So imagine how happy the owner of the pink pipe will be.
You can only imagine, because I don’t know who will own the pink pipe yet. What do you mean? No, I haven’t sold it yet. In fact, I haven’t made it yet. Is that a problem with you, child? I will tell you what a problem with me is. You young people never want to hear about the past. All you can think about is the present. But the past, you don’t care about. Let me tell you child, that if you had cared about the past, you would have known what my pipes have done, how great a happiness they have created. They were all meant to create happiness, but people always want them made in black so it doesn’t always work.
Let me tell you this. Out of the 2431 pipes I have created, only 567 have made people unhappy. Only one of them made its owner really, really unhappy. But it doesn’t matter anymore because he is dead. He died of a heart attack right there, outside the shop, because that is where he died. Someone mugged him for the pipe. It wasn’t a happy pipe. The owner wanted it made out of two pieces of wood, one black and one almost black. He insisted, so I made it out of two pieces of wood but I told him it was not to be a happy pipe. I also knew that the pipe would break when the owner would be mugged, but I didn’t tell him that, because otherwise he wouldn’t have bought it, and that pipe would have been mine, and I didn’t want to be unhappy. Don’t look at me like that, the pipe really did make his owners unhappy. Take the mugger, for example. He tried to glue the pipe back together when he realised it was broken. Instead he glued his hand to the pipe, and he had to go to the hospital… And the hospital called the police. So that made him really unhappy. I knew it would make him unhappy. That is why I didn’t sign the pipe with my name. I signed it N.H. instead, that is for Not Happy, because the pipe was not happy.
Now, child, if you want, I might tell you more about my pipes. I have a sharp memory for pipes, the sharpest memory in the world of pipe makers. Other pipe makers do not remember all the pipes they have created, but I do, those that I sign and that I don’t sign, with my name T.T., because that is my name, I am Tonto Tonto.
